People of the Galaxy
A Cook Book by: Darwin McDarloss
Fried Namekian Legs
Alright, alright, so. You wanna’ know how to make the most delectable treat in all the cosmos do you? Well I will tell you straight up, this one is downright delicious. I prefer all my meat raw, but I do understand not everyone has my particular palate, so I will teach you how to properly cook: Fried Namekian Legs. Now the first thing you are going to want to do is acquire a Namekian. Now you may be thinking “Darwin, where the hell can I get a willing Namekian?” Well, for one they don’t need to be willing, and two, they are everywhere! Seriously, just hop a solar system or two from home and you are bound to run into a planet that has one of them. Anyway, anyway, let’s get onto the actual cooking part.
- A Namekian
- One Pot of Boiling Water.
- A Hacksaw
- A gag (They can get pretty loud as soon as you get to work, this is personal preference though, I don’t particularly mind it unless they start monologuing.)
- Straps (To make sure the bugger doesn’t escape in case you screw up)
- An average kitchen knife
- Store grade breading
- A meathook and or drying rack
- A strainer
- First, saw off the Namekians leg. Either one is fine, and the juiciness really varies on the namekian. You will find the Warrior Clan ones to have the meatiest legs, while your average Namekian citizen will have a layer of fat on the inside.
- This is important, make sure you use tweezers or the knife to cut off the toes.
- If you prefer, use the kitchen knife to cut off the fatty pink outsides of the skin, unless you like the fat, like me.
- If you did step 2, you will have opened new veins up, and will need to hang it to dry for at least 10 minutes until it stops bleeding. Don’t worry, once they are done, you will have successfully cooked the blood away like a steak. Whilst this is going on, preheat the oven to 450°F
- Gently place into the boiling pot and let sit for 15 minutes. This will soften up the meat around the leg. Make sure to gently poke it with a spoon or the saw just to make sure it is not getting cooked in there. If it is, use prongs to remove it, turn down the heat a bit, then put the Namekian leg back in.
- Once it is done, dump the water out and have a strainer available to catch the leg so it doesn’t hit your sink.
- Now, you can bread it or season it if you prefer. To bread a Namekian leg, first make sure it is a bit wet, then roll it through the breading until breaded to how you desire it. Who doesn’t like that crunch, am I right?
- Now this is the last step pretty much. Stick it in the oven, and wait 60 minutes. It’s like a turkey, it’s going to take a while to properly cook. After it’s done, take it out and wait for it to cool, then bam, you have a delicious and healthy treat!
Now while first coming up with this recipe I ran through a few legs and wasted them. The best part about this treat is that, as long as you have the Namekian, you will have, in theory, an infinite amount of legs. Just make sure they don’t bleed out. That happened to me once and I was so embarrassed! Thanks for reading, and I hope you all enjoy this new delicacy.
Saiyan Tail Sausages
Now, I don’t like Saiyan Tails as much as Namekian legs. Saiyans are a bit rarer than the other races of the galaxy, so they make for a good New Years dinner, something fancy to have on a special occasion. When taking them from kids, they will grow back, but an adults won’t, so read this recipe carefully before you attempt this! If you don’t, well, Saiyans are already hard to catch, and even harder to strap down! Where the hell would you get another one, ey? Do keep in mind, for this particular recipe you will need some equipment not everyone has in their homes.
- A Saiyan Tail, freshly removed.
- A Sharpened Kitchen or Hunting Knife.
- A Proper Meat Grinder
- A large mixing bowl.
- 24 Grams Black Pepper
- A Stuffing Tube (For the Meat Grinder)
- Hog Casings (For Large, Medium or Breakfast Sausages. To decide how many you need for a Large, just measure it. I would say about 10 centimeters per large, and 1 per Breakfast)
- 4 Grams of ground Nutmeg
- 1/16 liters (or ¼ cup) of Juinga berries (For a touch of sweetness)
- Firstly, set up your Meat Grinder and place the stuffing tube on the end.
- After this is done, get to work with the Kitchen or Hunting knife, cut about a 1 cm deep into the tail lengthwise until you hit the ender, then slowly and carefully peel the fur and skin off the tail.
- After this is done, you need to mince the sausages down. If you hit bone, cut around it and dispose of it. Make sure there are no bones left over. They get stuck in your teeth and it’s really annoying to get them out.
- Now, once you are done, pour it all into that large bowl and mash it up with your hands. Whilst you are doing this, pour in the black pepper, Nutmeg and Jinga berries juice. Continue mashing until you are confident the additional ingredients are well mixed. The juice should have soaked into it well by now. Let it sit a moment so the juices don’t come pouring out when you shove that sucker in the grinder.
- Alright! Now for the fun part. Just like sticking a full grown man inside a wood chipper, except on a much smaller scale. And less messy. Stick the Hog Casings on the end of the tube up to the line.
- After this, slowly squeeze the meat into the meat grinders back, and slowly turn the crank to get it moving into the casing. If you set the casing up right, as soon as you fill it, it will fall off into the bowl you set below. Seal it with a quick swipe of your finger, then continue.
- Once you are done, set them all in the oven at 300°F. For small ones, keep em’ in there for 5 minutes. Medium sized, for 10, and large for 20.
Saiyans are a lot trickier to find or catch than Namekians. Usually you will have to go to the Black Market and ask around (or kill everyone until they tell you) for the slave auctions. Slaves are pretty common around the Heat Empire part of space, so if you are willing to make the trip, go for it! Otherwise, if you can’t beat the Saiyans near you, cut their tails off in their sleep and haul ass.
Ahh, Human Kidneys. Possibly the best thing to have on a saturday night with the family. Easy to obtain, tender, and juicy right to the last bite, if prepared correctly. Most of the humans aren’t usually all that good. They aren’t trained warriors like the rest of the races here, no, they can usually be rather fatty, but I found that their kidneys are bar-none the best part of them to eat. Raw or cooked, I can’t get enough! Oh, and do make sure they are knocked out. They can sometimes monologue.
- A quarter of a stick of Butter
- 2 Human kidneys
- A skillet
- ¼ Liters of Red Wine (Not the kind I drink, unless you like coppery taste.)
- Plastic Bowl
- Kitchen Knife
- Melt the Butter on skillet above medium heat
- Whilst it melts, put the kidneys on a flat surface and cut them in half. Then, cut the pieces in half a few times over. Because they are very squishy, you will most likely have to hold them so they don’t slide off the knife. Don’t hold below the knife like a dumbass.
- After the butter’s melted, slap your kidney slices atop the skillet and then add the wine gently. Make sure to move them around a bit. Flip when you see the bottom is beginning to brown. Use a fork or something to lift and check every now and then.
- Once done, serve all the slices on a plate and enjoy the rest of that fine wine you have!
Humans are much easier to get than the other things on this list. The easiest and most effective way to kill them is a quick twist of the neck, just like a chicken. And like a chicken, you must cut it off before they make any sounds. This helps to prevent alerting the rest of them, which hey, being honest, isn’t a problem for me, but it could be for you, so you’re welcome for the tip!
Arcosian Horn Broth
So, don’t let this one’s title scare you off! Sure I munch on bones all the time, but I know that is really weird to some people. This can really be whatever you want it to be, I will just teach you how to make it proper. Oh! And don’t tell my boss about this part.
- Arcosian Horns (Just rip em off, they grow back! I think.)
- A Large Soup pot
- Various Soup ingredients.
- I would just like to note that this is not a very long recipe. Firstly, remove the horns carefully.
- After that is done, make sure to let all the yellow stuff in the horns slide out. It’s really not that tasty. Trust me
- After that, use a knife to pop the ends of the horns off and let them sit in a large pot of warm water for approximately an hour. This will let the taste sink in, creating a Bone Broth
- Make the soup as you would with any other kind of soup.
Arcosians are really hard to beat. You see, they used to be a bunch of wimps, but a few of them suddenly mutated. Now all of them are born with way above average power levels. The weaker ones were killed via natural selection or because they pissed me off. I guess that makes me natural selection too, huh? Anyway, this is hard, and you would probably be better off using regular human bones, but hey, rich people eat rich foods that don’t taste any different from regular food. If you are into that sort of thing than have fun
Majin Cotton Candy balls
Honestly, I won’t be surprised if you ask what a Majin is. These things are really, really rare. Apparently magic made the first one and then he split off and made more and the ones that live now are his descendants. They are rare, but like Namekians, once you have one, it’s practically an infinite supply. No steps for this one. Just pluck off pieces and eat. I swear, it’s good, all you have to do is dig in, nice and slow.
Welp, that’s all the time I have for now, if you find any new races out there, just let me know. I am dying to meet them.